But, I don’t belong – said who?
Have you ever heard someone make the statement that they have no friends? No one even cares for me. When I hear someone make those statements I immediately understand that they have most likely withdrawn themselves from people, or struggle to shew themselves friendly – in some cases keeping friends is a challenge for them – there are some people in this world that really have no family, much less friends, but that is very, very rare.
My husband and I had a conversation recently about a difficult time we went through where we felt all alone, felt hardly anyone cared, and we felt completely secluded. We didn’t matter. We no longer felt we fit in with the people we were the closest too, we felt a separation. We had no idea what we had done, or what we were supposed to do. We spent many miserable days and nights. One day while discussing it my husband said to me that we were the problem, our feelings of seclusion were self inflicted. We were the ones that had pulled ourselves away without even realizing it. We felt people acted distant to us, and in reality they did because we had pulled away from them and we seemed unapproachable on many occasions.
How can you help someone that runs off every chance they get? You can’t expect to be chased when you are the one running.
If I was invited and didn’t go, then felt left out, who’s fault was it? It was my fault. If I say no everytime I am invited, then get offended the next time I’m not invited, I am the problem. I admit it, I am the problem. I wouldn’t write this had I not been there, but I was that person that at one time withdrew myself to the point that I really wasn’t hearing much from my friends, but I was the one inflicting the hurt and pain I was feeling. The day my husband and I looked at one another and agreed we were the problem, our attitude changed. We started doing things with and for our friends to help bridge the gap that we felt. Our feelings of seclusion did not go away overnight, but we were doing everything in our power to fix it. After a small space of time those feelings of not belonging were a thing of the past, and we felt we had learned a very valuable lesson.
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly. Proverbs 18:24
Have you ever said so and so didn’t speak to me! Did you make an effort to speak to them or did you have the attitude it was their place to approach you? Chances are they went home and said the same about you, or their seemingly unfriendliness had nothing to do with you – that’s the case 99% of the time. We can accuse and accuse, but we ourselves never attempt to be the first one to approach and be friendly. Can I expect to walk into a place and not speak or shew myself friendly and expect everyone to come to me? If I operate that way I will most certainly find myself in a place of isolation and will say I don’t belong, but who told me I didn’t belong? If you constantly tell yourself you don’t belong you will start believing it, your friends around you will feel so uncomfortable around you that they may wonder if you do belong because you’ve withdrawn yourself to the point that you are unapproachable. We have to understand that in most cases we are the ones that’s made “us” not belong.
We believe so many lies that are spoken to us by the enemy. He will do everything in his power to divide us from our friends.
You may read this and say you don’t know my story. I understand that. I have personally been treated bad, and hurt in my life. I have had times where I was treated unfair, and not shown friendliness – I feel safe in saying there is no one that could say they’ve never been hurt in some way or treated unfair, but most are not treated that way on a daily basis. I am sorry for the ones that are. I know there are people in horrible relationships, and children being treated terrible – there are some that would do anything to get out of the secluded place they are in, but they can’t and that does break my heart. This post is for those of us who have put ourselves into the pit of despair and now blame everyone else for feeling so isolated and that we have no friends. If you fall into that place chances are there are so many people that want nothing more than to see you get out, to come up out of the place you are in and and work on renewing those friendships and finding your place again. No one can make us. I personally had people try to encourage me during my time of isolation, but I chose to believe that no one cared and I continued on in my despair. I didn’t purposefully do it, but looking back I realized that if I had listened I would have realized sooner than I did that I was the problem, and that if people were pulling away it was because I seemed unapproachable.
I challenge you if you feel isolated to get honest with yourself. Have you pulled away? If you were the one looking on at you would you feel comfortable to approach you? Are you making an effort to be friendly? Remind yourself of nice things your friends have done, or ways they have helped you and don’t focus on the hurts in life because in most cases the good way outweighs the bad.
Ask yourself who told you you don’t belong.
Who told you you don’t belong? Try changing that phrase to I do belong because no one told me I didn’t, no one told me I didn’t. You do belong, I do belong. You are valuable, I am valuable. You do matter, I do matter.